"Fous ta Cagoule" by Fatal Bazooka--English Translation

In November 2006, the French comedian Michael Youn put out a satirical music video by the group "Fatal Bazooka," which he had created for the TV show Morning Live.  The song become widely popular in France, and the YouTube video (below) has received nearly 2.5 million views.

"Fous Ta Cagoule" satirizes rap from Marseilles, the accent and slang of people from that region, the "poetry slam" style of groups like Grand Corps Malade [clip, requires Real Player], and mostly French moms who insist their children wear a "cagoule," or balaclava-type ski mask to school.

I did the research to translate "Fous Ta Cagoule" because even though I was cracking up each time I watched it, I was missing a bunch of the jokes. Mad props to I Can't Believe It's Not Butter for her help as always, and of course to O.G. who introduced us to FATAL BAZOOKA.  West west, y'all.

The original French lyrics are from dailymotion.com.

Ouais gros, c’est Fatal Bazooka
Quand c’est l’hiver quand ça fait froid
Qu’une chose a faire gars, écoute ça :

Yeah fat boy (yeah fat boy), its Fatal Bazooka (Fatal Bazooka!)!
When it's winter, when it's cold outside (cold, cold!)
There's only one thing to do lads--listen up:

Représente le hardcore des montagnes en direct de la Savoie
Savoie ou bien ??? Non ca va pas.
Mec c’est le pôle nord, on s'gèle les grelots.
Bordel, il fait plus froid que dans ton frigo.
Un pied dehors direct c’est la pharyngite
La morve au nez, le microbe qui s’agite
Alors écoute avant qu’il sera trop tard
Avant que tu seras tout dur comme un surgelé Picard
On n’est pas venu pour jouer les papas poules
Mais un conseil mon gars, fous ta cagoule

Representing mountain hardcore straight out of Savoie
"Savoie ou bien?" [pun on 'ca va bien?'] No, it's going badly.
Man it's the north pole; we're freezing our balls off.
Shit, it's colder than your fridge!
Set a foot outside, get strep throat
Mucas in the nose, germs stirring...
So listen up before it's too late
Before you're as hard as a Stouffers dinner (boom boom!)
We didn't come here to act like overprotective dads
But one piece of advice my boy: put on your ski mask!

REFRAIN
Fous ta cagoule, fous ta cagoule
Ou t’auras froid, t’auras les glandes t’auras les boules
Fous ta cagoule ouais, fous ta cagoule
La chair de poule, le nez qui coule, fous ta cagoule
Fous ta cagoule, fous ta cagoule
Du nord au sud de l’est à l’ouest même a Vesoul
Fous ta cagoule ouais, fous ta cagoule sauf à Kaboul sauf à Kaboul

REFRAIN
Put on your ski mask, put on your ski mask
Or you'll be cold, you'll be worried, you'll be scared (you'll be scared!)
Put on your ski mask, yeah, put on your ski mask
The goose bumps, the runny nose--put on your ski mask
Put on your ski  mask, put on your ski mask
From the north to the south from the east to the west even in Vesoul (even in Vesoul)
Put on your ski mask yeah, put on your ski mask--except in Kabul (except in Kabul) except in Kabul (except in Kabul)

Ouais dit leur toi aussi profanation fonky
En direct des quartiers de Marseille
> Dans ma ville, on craint dégun
Fracasse les estrasses sur instru yo le rat frère en même temps toujours froid aux mains
Contrebande, façon 90 dans la légende
Manges du cagnard !
Ici on joue au foot et pas au hand
Franchement,
J’serre les dents
Comme Yves Montand
Qui r’pousse le pousse-mousse du mistral dans le vent
Planète mars, représente la cagoule, sans un franc,
cinq francs trente et deux qui nous font cent…

Yeah, you tell 'em too, Profanation Fonky
Straight out of the 'hoods of Marseille
[Some of the expressions in the following are Marseille slang, much is nonsense:]
In my city we fear no one
Smash the old pieces of kleenex on instru-yo the brother rat at the same time always cold hands
Contraband - 90 style in the legend
Eat the scorching sun!
Here we play football [soccer], not handball
Frankly
I grit my teeth
Like Yves Montand
Who pushes the liquid hand soap of the mistral in the wind again
Planet mars - represent the ski mask, without a dime
Five francs 30 and two makes 100.... [shows 10 fingers]

Hey mais hey oh mais, t’es au courant qu’on comprend rien à s’que tu dis
Qu’est s'quia qu’est s'quia toi tu m’engraines ?
Nan mais c’est pas ça, mais on a un message précis tu vois c’est:

Hey, but hey-ho there--do you realize that no one understands a word you're saying?
> whazzat wazzat you bust my balls?
nah, it's not that, but you see we have a very precise message it's:

(Refrain)

Je voudrait jeter un slam pour cette maladie qui l’hiver l’anus m'irrite
Un virus venu du froid qu’on appelle gastro-entérite
La prochaine fois j’mettrais ma cagoule...

I'd like to throw out a slam to that disease which irritates my anus in the winter
A virus that comes from the cold called gastroenteritis
Next time, I'll wear my ski mask...

J’mettrai ma cagoule sur l’BIP
Pour pas me géler les BIIIIP
Espece de fils de BIP
Mais qu’est-ce qui faut que j’foute
Ça fait quinze fois qu’j’te l’dis, pauv’ BIP
Fous ta cagoule !
Mais qu’est-ce que tu BIIP,
T’es en train de BIP dans ma cagoule !
Elle me gratte commme un frotis dans la BIP à ta mère
Elle me donne de l’érythème, j’ai les BIP qui saignent
J’aurais pu dire “fous ton bonnet, fous ton bonnet” mais c’est moins cool
Que c’putain d’slogan, fous ta cagoule !

I'll put my ski mask on the [beep]
So I won't freeze my [beep]s
Son of a [beep]
What am I going to do with you?
I've told you 15 times already, poor [beep]
Put on your ski mask!
But what do you [beep]
You're [beep]ing in my ski mask!
It itches like a pap test in your mother's [beep]
It gives me diaper rash--my [beep] are bleeding
I could have said "put on your wool hat, put on your wool hat" but that's less cool
Than this fucking slogan: put on your ski mask!

(Refrain)

Ouais gars, c’est l’bazooka, B.A.Z…heu
En tout cas respect à Porte Blindée, Mensurations douloureuses
Pandi Panda ainsi que Pitbull de flipper
Coups de couteau dans la glotte et bien sur Canon à Neige, Bang Bang !

Yeah boy, it's the Bazooka:  B, A, Z, ... uhhh...
In any case, respect to Reinforced Doorway, Painful Chest Measurements [he mispronounces the word for menstration]
Pandi-Panda as well as Pitbull of Flipper
Knife Cuts in the Glottal Stop and of course Snow Machine - bang bang!

(Refrain)

Fatal Bazooka
It's the remix
Ecoutes ça
Fous ta cagoule (*8)

Fatal Bazooka
It's the remix!
Listen to this
Put on your ski mask (x8)

P.S. Suggestions for improving the lyrics translation are welcome!