April 01, 2006

Rumsfeld Resigns!

Rumsfeld It’s about time. Finally admitting that Iraq has slipped into civil war and implicitly acknowledging that the major project of his presidency has been a failure, Bush today held accountable the major architect of that failure, Donald Rumsfeld, by requesting his resignation.

Here are telling excerpts from the press conference, and Mr. Rumsfeld’s responses, in inimitable style: 

Rumsfeld: "Now, settle down, settle down. Hell, I'm an old man, it's early in the morning and I'm gathering my thoughts here."

Q: Why did this happen?

Death has a tendency to encourage a depressing view of war.

Q. Do you have any advice for your successor?

"Don't do or say things you would not like to see on the front page of The Washington Post."

Q. Where the revelations in the book Cobra II instrumental in your decision to resign?

“I don’t do book reviews.”

Q: How would you sum up your tenure as Secretary? 

"If I know the answer I'll tell you the answer, and if I don't, I'll just respond, cleverly."

[laughter]

The rest can be seen here.

Update: Well how 'bout that.

By Will Friedman in Humor/Satire | Permalink  | 

Comments

Fuck. I fell for it. But for one sliver of time, I was a happy woman.

Posted by: Courtney | Apr 1, 2006 1:26:50 PM

It took me way too long to realize this was a joke. Cruel, my man. Cruel.

Posted by: Eddie | Apr 2, 2006 12:13:45 PM

yeah, I nearly fell on my ass running to the tv after Mark yelled "holy shit! Rumsfeld resigned!" In retrospect such an event is so unlikely as to be even beyond April Fools belivability. But for about 20 seconds it was a marvelous, just world again. horrible.

Posted by: dks | Apr 3, 2006 11:46:51 AM

Sorry to the friends and other readers I bamboozled with this joke. I can never resist a good April Fool's Day prank!

It's true that all of Rumsfeld’s "quotes" above are actually things that he said in other contexts, so to that extent this is real.

But I know that doesn't soften the blow...

Posted by: Formerly Overseas Will | Apr 8, 2006 12:08:31 PM

But you were correct after-all...

Posted by: Ryan | Nov 8, 2006 10:33:11 AM

Well, it's a dream come true now! Happy post-midterm-election-when-democrats-sweep-the-house-day.
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/11/08/us/politics/08assess.html?ref=politics

Posted by: Jo | Nov 8, 2006 11:09:55 AM

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