August 04, 2005

Bush REALLY Renames War on Terror for Second Time in a Week

The previous Latte post, "Bush Administration Renames 'War on Terror' for Second Time in a Week," was meant to be satirical.  But straight from Grapevine, Texas, we have the following in yesterday's New York Times:

GRAPEVINE, Tex., Aug. 3—President Bush publicly overruled some of his top advisers on Wednesday in a debate about what to call the conflict with Islamic extremists, saying, "Make no mistake about it, we are at war."

In a speech here, Mr. Bush used the phrase "war on terror" no less than five times. Not once did he refer to the "global struggle against violent extremism," the wording consciously adopted by Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld and other officials in recent weeks after internal deliberations about the best way to communicate how the United States views the challenge it is facing.

Making the best of things, Rumsfeld's spokesman made this statement: "The secretary doesn't feel this is push back. He feels it's an important clarification."

And then there’s this:

SWEETPEA, Tex., Aug. 4—The controversy over what to call the conflict with Islamic extremists extended into its second week today, as a former administration official offered an unsolicited alternative to President Bush’s re-renaming of the “war on terror.”

John Poindexter, the indicated felon who invented the terrorism futures market while working for the Department of Defense, appeared on Meet the Press to say that he believed the name “war on the improvisation of explosives” would be more accurate. To emphasize his point, he used the phrase ten times in the course of a two minute conversation with Tim Russert, the host. “We are waging war on the improvisation of explosives, war on the improvisation of explosives, war on the improvisation of explosives,” he declared at one point.

The White House was swift to take corrective action. Within minutes, Vice President Richard Cheney appeared by videophone with Russert. In a show of robust support for the President, he was able to use the phrase ‘war on terror’ fifteen times before Russert posed his first question.

Russert then asked, “Critics charge that terror is a tactic which, unlike a nation or group, cannot be defeated. How do you respond?” Cheney insisted that the name was accurate. “We are fighting all forms of terror. I would go so far as to say that the war on terror should encompass scary movies, like ‘The Exorcist.’ That’s some terrifying shit.” In the exchange that followed, he used the phrase “war on terror” another five times.  He later said he felt better having done so.

By Will Friedman in Humor/Satire | Permalink  | 

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